It's been a while since I last posted, but I decided to post tonight because it's just one of those nights. Work has been good. I'm actually finishing up my 5 months of internship at a company in Morris Plains, NJ. It's busy, but for the most part I enjoyed it. I think I learned a lot, but I also realized a lot. The software industry is in trouble. For a long time I viewed big software companies as wanting to publish high quality software, but now a days, this isn't always true. Business has made the main objective money instead of decent software, at least that's what I see. This is why I feel that software or opening up my own shop is truly my calling because I have a passion for quality software. Next week is my last week of my internship and I have no idea what I am going to do. I feel like I'm back at square one, looking for a job and not finding one. On the other hand, I am dealing with being head over heels for my best friend. I knew this girl for almost a year now, which doesn't seem like enough time to have such strong feelings, but within the past year I feel like we've been through hell and back. Our friendship even stubbled a little, but I'm very thankful that we got it back on track. Last night we even spent some time together to watch a movie, have dinner, and talk about what we want to do. The truth is that even after the conversation, I feel like we're still in the same spot-I'm madly in love with her, but she's with someone else. I want to be happy for her, especially since she is happy. I know it seems like this always happens to me, I fall in love with someone I can't have, but the truth is that I loved her for some time even before she went into this relationship. It makes me feel lonely a lot. We have so many things in common and we click. She understands me for the most part and I can actually talk to her. Hell, we talk all day and it seems like it's not enough time to talk. I do see a little bit of a silver lining though because a few months ago I cut off all ties to Crystal. I love her, but I realized that we can't be together and I can't always be helping her. I want her to be safe, but at the same time I can't keep ruining my own life to try to fix hers. I'm done. So what does this all mean? I have no clue. I finally graduated from college and now I have a BS degree in a field I have a strong passion for. My life is finally starting, but it feels like I'm still in the same spot-alone and confused. I still think about what happened between me and Rich. I can never forgive him for the way things went down. I mean we were best friends and he had my full loyalty, but then he betrayed me, something I can never forgive. Maybe it's my anxiety kicking in or my paranoia because I know who he was and I'm aware of who he became. It saddens me, but there's nothing that can be done. All I can say is that I feel lonely, but I have trouble with people. There are too many idiots in the world and if they're not idiots, they just can't be trusted, so what's the point. I just don't know what I should do. Thank you for reading!
All Rights Reserved