Nobody can be trusted
I always had issues with trusting people, especially after Crystal broke up with me. I ended up closing myself so tightly, through all my drinking and hanging around certain people, that I didn't trust anyone at all. As you may or may not know, I recently started to speak to another one of my girlfriends. Everything was going amazingly and we grew very close in a short span of time. The only issue we had was that she's a Christian, or claims to be, but it seems more as if her parents simply just don't like me. I thought we could get passed this, but about a week ago, right before she went out with her family for her birthday, she spoke to her parents about us and the general decision came down to us not being able to talk to each other. Let me also remind you that throughout this time I told her things about me, and same about her, that I probably wouldn't have told anyone else. I also expressed to her how special she was to me. So we stopped talking. Tonight, I texted her out of pure luck and she ended up responding. We had a short discussion, maybe 5 messages, where I simply asked her a very important question- "Did you mean anything that you told me or do you think you meant anything?" Her response was short and sweet, of course-I think I did at least at the moment. I also asked her if she still thought about me and again, short and sweet-No, not really. So here I am, somewhat, where I began about 5 years ago-alone, broken, and on a verge of falling apart. Surprising thing is that we didn't even see each other. Yeah, that's how close we got in a span of maybe a month. What hurts a lot though is that I truly thought that I could trust her since she was always sweet and nice to me. She was the first girlfriend I had that treated me so well. She liked me a lot from the very beginning so this all just doesn't make any sense at all. I meant every word that I told her all those days and nights, but I guess it's a lot like that other saying-love can't go just one way. I don't want to do anything stupid and I have no intension of picking up drinking again, although I had some shots the other night and I did enjoy it. I'm just in a horrible mood. I can't sleep. My other friend is losing her cat and I'm sick with a cold. This isn't really a good way to start a week with two pick exams coming up. I feel like such an idiot because I opened up to someone I thought I could trust and now I'm fucked up in the head. I remember looking back and observing my old boss fall down hard, I guess it's just my turn to be in the slumps. Will everything be alright? Could be, but it doesn't really feel like it at the moment. I feel like I'm falling behind in school again and it's gonna be very difficult to catch up. And being that this is should be my last semester, it's not something that I want to experience. In the past I didn't really mind because I always felt that I had plenty of time, but now I don't. Imagine that this semester will be over within 2 months, even less. Sounds like plenty of time for some people, but in reality it's not at all. So, here I am again. I'm not quite sure what to do. I'm aware I have plenty of things to do for school, but I honestly can't focus well enough at this point. I'm sick and broken hearted. I'm in no way in a state of mind to do anything. I thought you could trust some people, but the honest truth is that you simply can't. It's a shame, but that's reality. "Reality. Oh, that bitch" Thank you for reading!
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